I had a dream......

A fine morning sitting in my balcony..
hands crossed
looking far i can see boys playing
i had a book in my lap
Love story by Enrich segal
I was completely in it
to fell into the emotion of oliver
how to miss his love jenny....

'i was in a world of love n happiness around then
i was filming the life...
going through the last frame
fighting for life..
i can feel the struggle to breathe
crossed my hands with him bidding good bye forever
promising to be together next life.

i can see how hard he finds to control his tears
trying to keep a smile to my eyes last sight...
all emotions pressed to his thighs......

i can feel my eyes getting closed
without fulfilling my life
my dreams...
where am i going............
i am holding his hands, but why??? he is not looking at me...

i startled as my ears strucked with his voice calling me,
crying loud holding my frozen hands...

when i opened my eyes i was in my bed
my eyes are wet....how??
i was thinking what was happening!!!
i was in a hospital bed???but then
how come i ...
i was confused..

it takes a second 4 me to realize
that..
It was a Dream....

Scripting my life.....

How many years do I live???
No idea...
i guess its all a matter of second; but when???
the creator knows....
until then I live.....

Completed 23 chapters of ma autobiography....
experienced not written...
the verity of life.........
scripting the last few lines of 24th chapter......
looking back..............

What have I learned???
experienced???
what life has taught me until???
can I say???
No......

The state of realization...........
may be in my next phase of my growing..
facile thoughts but to pick the one 4 me...
I cant...
why????

my eyes closed??
my mouth shut??
nor my ears dropped??
or am i waiting still??
a vermin in zillions waiting for!!!!

who am i?
what am i?
where am i?
shedding days...........

'for the world im a vermin..
n for me I am the world.....'

this is how i gonna end my 24th chapter...
to start with something new...
im ready, waiting for the day.....

The Day....

Thinking about THE DAY.....
the day we never want to forget....
the day that changed our life... may be bdays, anniversaries anything it depends.....
the day becomes a happy day when it can be cherished still...
waiting for the day to celebrate,
fabulous to think about ....partying, meeting plans ahead a month...
else????
the day' will wipe our tears............

waiting for the dawn....

the memories haunting like anything when i hate to look back
its not because its horrible or a hell....
it was the days i lived my fullest....

i had my life drawn like a fairy tale....
everything by my side,my passions my dreams
with my loved ones..
days full of joy n excitement....
the reality....

my hopes my dreams dashed off in a moment
time daubed darkness into me
which i need to wipe it off

thinking of future really daunts,
may be brighter than before not sure...
still can hope....n dream up to the sky
for??
to fall to the troughs deep....

totally negative???
yes i am....
why??u may ask...
i have my reasons...
de trop thoughts, not really....
but my past...
who hold my hands n left me in an island.....

blank around waves strucking....
struggling for existence.....
still needs to wait for the shoulders????
the future???

Yes need to....
to live.....

so am I.....
my eyes closed.....
without the reach of light,
waiting for the dawn.......

My school days.......more than a decade screwed up.....

when i was talking to my senior in school he said he is scripting his memories from school days....made it to a 200 plus script.....i was really amazed as when i think about my school days i do have memories both good n bad.......but can i script it to a book??? nothing much to write a book....n Never...it wont be an interesting stuff to the readers as i dint had that much of excitement in my school days.....even in my plus two days i dint had....a bit no a sea of sorrows n tears shed.. that's the only memories i have 4 those days which i never want to open up in my life...

the immaturity in handling situations made it so worse that i cud never make my time positive...the teenz hit badly held in so called "prison" school boarding n to college hostel as plus two students with loads of restrictions even to talk with parents..

but the only thing i do remember is the bunch of 4 good friends which i had then...still they are the ones who r close to me.....ive read somewhere that the people around u when u cry will be there with u till death....now turned up to different arena in lyf still we do share the emotions...............thats my friends....

to confess i have to a lot...my thoughts ruined me, screwed me up the words spoken do harm me sometimes... i donno whether each individual thinks as such in any moment of their lyf..but i do a lot may be coz of my frustrations to lyf always wanna hide out???? still unanswered by my mind...even when i look into my soul through my eyes i can see the insecurity more than i feel or may be my inner mind do fell the same constraints...whom shud i blame???? no one else except me...........there it will have to end up.....

that is wat my school days were.....from this scene how can i make an exciting memories in scripts????????? but still we had some good memories in our room viola to be shared but not exctensivily a volume...... sunday blasts with food......giving the yummy biriyani fragrance to all other hostelites....the make over sessions n late night talks.....blabbering about anything under the sun.....more fun now when we luk back is how we create reasons to go home on weekends with silly but critical bedridden reasons of dear ones by giving the name list to hostel warden to remember in their daily prayers n on their service.....

the two years felt like two decades then, has taught me lot about the society n people around how selfish they are n how helpful they are...the two extremities,how the people change and how people stick on to their values......

this made me to beware of my environment....n a great lesson " be a good friend to urself no one else giv u a good companion other than u"....still i say im lucky that ive friends,some good friends...n very few best friends....