Nothing more to say ..I am lost..

I had my slumber time....being with my dreams a day off to them....quite a long 6 hours sleep it made me fresh than a short 9 hour sleep.....had sumptuous dine with my dears....at times i feel a second takes a decade to pass n a year in a second...

How do i feel that....

its coz only that we think of time which takes its own time to leave...complicated????? yes it is..

its all mind power n calculations that twe calculate in ourselves...

Its all happening only coz we live with the past, foreseeing the future, leaving to live the present....

sleepless nights with emotions n spareless days with truck loads of people around....

I am lost in between.......i cant sketch out the real me out......

as everyone around, me too moving ahead with the face which everyone wants out with me....

am i totally lost????
No but need to fetch out the time to be ME....
To be the gal in me which I like the most...

a cell.................from here a life begins..

music .................life of nature

This depicts me.....The real me.....

The divinity...My hope..

The divinity....
The route of hope...
Is wat it symbolizes...

For wat have been it created upto...
By humans, the myths which we r revolved..
In which the human life holds on..

This is the symbol of hope
sanctity...
Relaxation to mind soul n body
is wat it means to us..
This is where we rest us...

this is where we choose to guide us...
the way we feel needs to get moved...
here we get the consent for our mind...
for our deeds..
We believe here is from we get the life..
we get the living...
we try to believe this is the soul in us...

is that the fact???
dont wanna be a controversial.....
i believe its from the thought process in our unconscious mind make us...
still we need to lay on someone...
Yes it is.....The soul behind our soul....
The spirit....
This is how i wish to see the spirit ,the soul in me...

Epilogue to chapter '24

When my sister called me to wish my bday....
all her gal gang asked for my bday treat....
i asked them all to come home the weekend
so cud ccelebrate the other day together...
sometime later they called me up n said
10 of them,they are coming home..
i was really thrilled...
after my 18th bday, im gonna celebrate with loads of people around...
was sitting in office thinking how to plan the day....
the menus in dine...etc....etc..

Feb 6th ,8.00 PM...

Saturday evening....8 gals with my sister....
they came....(anju,aru,achu,kingul,gayu,shahida,sajna and appu my sister....)
was really excited to c them all.....
they are my cute little sisters...more than that they are my friends...
sharing a common wavelength....
we had a blast together then...

Feb 7th...The Day...

sunday after delicious sadya....A nonveg sadya for them....
we went to calicut.....
focuz mall the destination...
went thru all the brands....
then to pizza corner ......
atlast to burst out we went to beach..

the vision ..the sun going deep into the ocean....
leaving behind darkness to my eyes atleast for a while..
to give the hope of a new morn.....
to the other corner of the world...
where i need to reach in my sight....
to be the dawn ...
for the life...

i realize the day gonna end..
few more hours can be with my sisters..
they gave me another memorable day...
then again back to my routine...
this is life.... nothing stand still.............
especially the happiness...
to be happy...keep the fonding memories still....
atleast u can be happy at heart....

My bday'2010....walked away....
leaving me good moments to cherish in life....
Here is my epilogue......
"completed Chapter '24...."
N there starts the script of my next chapter.....
The prologue......

Thank u my friends for making my day so special...

memorable week it was ....
can call it as my bday week....
Feb 3rd was the day i completed 24 years of my journey to death....
n according to mallu calender it was on Feb 7th...
anyways 365 days shortened to be a free bird...

even though that is the reality it was fun enjoying 'the day...
with gifts n wishes from my dears....

Feb 3rd...

12.00am
started my phone ringing n i was in my deepest dreamz
picked up the call....my frnd from pune
wished me happy bday...
dont remember exactly how much did i attended...half n hour or more
then i went back to my dreams....which i wanna finish it out by 6 am...

woke up at 6 am ...
went to temple....as usual on every bdays...
came to office then with amma made payasam cakes n choclates
it was then a bash
spreading all over my face full of sweetness 'externally..
the day splashed out..
in between wishes flowing to me technically.....
from my frnds deep rooted.....

the day went by without making my day so special by my most awaited moment....
even then it was a memoroble day of the bdays ive celebrated in a way around......
thank u my dear frnds
for making the day....
one of the most memorable bday....till date....

I had a dream......

A fine morning sitting in my balcony..
hands crossed
looking far i can see boys playing
i had a book in my lap
Love story by Enrich segal
I was completely in it
to fell into the emotion of oliver
how to miss his love jenny....

'i was in a world of love n happiness around then
i was filming the life...
going through the last frame
fighting for life..
i can feel the struggle to breathe
crossed my hands with him bidding good bye forever
promising to be together next life.

i can see how hard he finds to control his tears
trying to keep a smile to my eyes last sight...
all emotions pressed to his thighs......

i can feel my eyes getting closed
without fulfilling my life
my dreams...
where am i going............
i am holding his hands, but why??? he is not looking at me...

i startled as my ears strucked with his voice calling me,
crying loud holding my frozen hands...

when i opened my eyes i was in my bed
my eyes are wet....how??
i was thinking what was happening!!!
i was in a hospital bed???but then
how come i ...
i was confused..

it takes a second 4 me to realize
that..
It was a Dream....

Scripting my life.....

How many years do I live???
No idea...
i guess its all a matter of second; but when???
the creator knows....
until then I live.....

Completed 23 chapters of ma autobiography....
experienced not written...
the verity of life.........
scripting the last few lines of 24th chapter......
looking back..............

What have I learned???
experienced???
what life has taught me until???
can I say???
No......

The state of realization...........
may be in my next phase of my growing..
facile thoughts but to pick the one 4 me...
I cant...
why????

my eyes closed??
my mouth shut??
nor my ears dropped??
or am i waiting still??
a vermin in zillions waiting for!!!!

who am i?
what am i?
where am i?
shedding days...........

'for the world im a vermin..
n for me I am the world.....'

this is how i gonna end my 24th chapter...
to start with something new...
im ready, waiting for the day.....

The Day....

Thinking about THE DAY.....
the day we never want to forget....
the day that changed our life... may be bdays, anniversaries anything it depends.....
the day becomes a happy day when it can be cherished still...
waiting for the day to celebrate,
fabulous to think about ....partying, meeting plans ahead a month...
else????
the day' will wipe our tears............